I feel like i've finally fell off the deep end. I've finally resulted too lying about who i really am. I see people walking around talking about how in love they are with there wife or girlfriends.... I am so in love with kristle that i did the same... i know her and i will never be together again... i don't see it happening... but i walk around with her picture in my wallet and her picture as my background... she has my heart so is that wrong. It is wrong if i say we are together... because we are not.. im tired of being fake... and im tired of having this broken heart.... There will be no more lying... no more fake... im here to do a job.. and if i'm lucky i will find that special someone... to actually love me for who i really am... because to be incrediably truthful i don't even know who i am... i haven't even found that out...
Its a very mad world... All around me there a famailar faces and worn out places and people... i feel like a robot... i have a very constant routine and i can't even have a place to drown my sorrow... and i find it kind funny and i find it kinda sad... yet i attempt to put on the facade of happiness because i and truly not happy... i miss home... i miss family... i miss my friends... i miss... her... god i miss her most of all... i believe that is why i hold up this facade... because i don't want people to truly see how hurt... how damage i am... is that wrong? is it wrong to hide ur true intentions of anger... sadness... hope... depression... there are only a few who actually know me... or who i actually am... i have only showed them my true self... i am a hermit... i refuse to open up to people whom i believe will judge me for it.
I am here in my location because -This is War-... we fight because we have a higher calling.. and there are few who understand a militants heart.... we have the sense that we are there to protect family friends and people whom we don't even know... To the civilian, the martyr, the victim, thee prophet, the lying, the honest, the leaders, the prior, the messiah.... this is war... the moment of truth the moment to lie to the live and the moment to die... but most certianly the moment to fight... and fight to the death we will.... because it is what i wake up in the morning to do... i put on the uniform knowning that perhaps today will be the day... and yet i grab my gear... tuck my dog tags in and check my weapon.. 15 rounds... check... 30 extra rounds check... i grab my rifle... 30 rounds with 1 in the chamber... check... 7 extra magazines... i grab my helmet and i press on... its what i do.. it was my calling.. and yes i mis my family... i miss my friends... hell some of my family and friends understand what i am doing... i know the saying keep ur head down all too well....
Well i have had enough spill... and emotions dropped out in one blog the rest i shall save for tommorow... Till next time until then It ends tonight.
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